Star Search TAke One...

I am so proud of Andrew. I am also so crazed by him right now that I just want to shake him.

Last week Andrew asked me if he could try out for the talent show. Okay, so a few things randomly went through my head. I thought it was strange that he asked me. Andrew is one who would most likely tell me. Besides, he doesn't need my permission. I will do anything I can to make my schedule work around things the boys do. I also remembered that this ain't your Whitehall Elementary School talent show of the past. No, Whitehall does a district-wide show of talent. Eeks! I had heard {before this conversation ever came up} that they choose about 20 acts. Mainly high school with a few sprinkled in from each of the three other schools. I didn't think he was prepared. I asked Andrew for details. He only knew the tryout date. Tuesday. After school. He knew the song he wanted to sing. Oh yeah, he wanted to sing for his try out. LOVE IT! HATE IT! I love listening to my children sing. They sing from their toes. It makes for a fun Christmas program at church and even turns an ordinary hymn into something a little snappy. people comment all the time. Caleb looks like Alfalfa when he sings his high notes. They are both just the coolest. However, school talent try outs are a world away from church. I am proud of him for wanting this. Even more proud for him following through. {which he did} I just worry about other kids and their brutal honesty. Like my oldest son's, for instance. I'll get to that in a minute.

I gave Andrew a small list of things to find out. As in one particular thing. He needed to do this last Friday. He forgot. He didn't go to school Monday because of Great Wolf. Yesterday it was totally out of my mind. About 10 minutes before Andrew left for the bus he asked me who was picking him up after his try out. What? Our problem was that even though he had a song, he only has a CD with other voices singing. Back when I was in school, the judges picked a lot of "talent" but because of the district wide thing, I wasn't sure the window of opportunity was big enough for Andrew and Smash Mouth. His assignment was to ask Mr. Hill if he would prefer Andrew to sing with a CD or a cappella. Remember, he forgot. Yesterday I was beside myself because he was so not prepared. I told him to stand in front of me, right then and there, and sing to me. A cappella. A ca...what? That is what I got. Anyway, that is just what he did. He was right on. he kept his rhythm. He made eye contact, but he was nervous. He played with the snap on his pants pocket. Over. And. Over. Until I stopped him mid song. He put his hands in his pocket and swayed his way through the rest. he even added a little British accent I think. I wonder if he was mixing up his Smash Mouth rendition with his Monkeys rendition. {I'm a Believer} Caleb's brutal, I wouldn't say honesty, was more than I could take so I told him he had to leave. Snot. Later, on the way to pick Andrew up, he made a comment about the kids in his class saying Andrew didn't have a chance. I had to remind him that he is the big brother and he needs to stick up for Andrew and teach kids not to be so chatty.

I told Andrew in order to try out, two things HAD to happen. First, he needed to change his clothes. No snap pockets. Second, and most important, he needed to get with Mr. hill right away and let him know that he could either sing with the CD or by himself. It is whatever Mr. Hill prefers. I made him repeat all of this back to me. I told him to make sure it was Mr. Hill's decision, unless he left it up to Andrew and, last but certainly not least, I told him to make sure Mr. Hill knows that if Andrew is chosen, he would have the music only version for the talent show. Okay. we all agreed.

I got a call just after 4:00. Andrew took Keith's phone to school in case the office was closed and his try out was last. After picking him up, I asked how it all went. He told me the judges said "good job" and "we'll call you." So American Idol. Andrew has thought that it would all play out the same way. He figured he'd get the yellow slip right away and he thought the "people" would get him his music and he referred to American Idol more than once. This ain't Hollywood, baby!

I asked what Mr. Hill chose for him. He said that Mr. Hill wasn't there so he didn't say anything. Good God! There were like 30 acts at Ealy alone. Singing with a CD doesn't help you stand out. The judges are from NHS...high school students. I wanted to call the supervisor and tell him what he needed to know. Andrew thinks he's fine because someone said he did a good job and they'd call him. I told him that they say "nice job" to everyone and the call could be either a yes or a no.

I talked to him last night and told him if the answer is no, next year we'd be on it with music ahead of time. he seemed okay with it all. I hope his little heart doesn't get broken. I want him to make it because I believe he'd do a really good job. I just want to be a "mom" right now {used as an adjective, not a noun} and fix it all for him. I want to talk to the judges. But I have to remember that he is almost 10 and he knew what he needed to do and didn't. I cannot fix all his problems forever. But I really want to.

This job is just too tough sometimes.

I've been so busy lately that, obviously, I don't have much time for my family. I remind myself constantly that Keith told me from day one of this journey that I am always there taking care of everything at home during football season so it is only fair that he takes care of everything during basketball season. He's right. {not about that} He said that this is something I truly want and it wouldn't have made any sense to pass it by. Who knows when this opportunity will come along again.

When the girls decided to do a stunt clinic, I decided to plan something fun for the boys and I. Caleb had a friend over until 6:00 so it had to happen after that. We decided on dinner and bowling. I figured I would do it alone because Keith had to work and because I feel like a loser mom! I decided to see if Kristin wanted to take the kids too. Jimmy is always so busy so I assumed she would be sitting home. I decided to ask Keith first, and he was in, so I invited the whole TenBrinkman clan. All in. That segue was too long so I won't go into any more specifics.

We all met up at the MAC at 6:30. Keith got there early to put our name on the list so the wait wasn't long. I figured mac and cheese was a great choice for the kids, hence the location choice. Funny, out of the 6 kids, Caleb was the only one to get it. Him and the 4 adults! Yum.

The best I missed. The kids all got their food first. When ours came, I looked over and both Isaac and Ashley were eating off Jimmy's plate. No invitation, mind you. By the time I got my camera out, Isaac's focus was someplace else. It was too cute...

Before we left, Kyle wanted me to take a picture of him by the football wall. Here you go...the football wall...{he could have at least smiled}

Keith headed home to get ready for work and the boys and I met the TenBrinkmans at AMF. Is that right?? We headed inside, only to be told there were no open lanes. Yes! You see, by the time dinner came, I told Kristin that I would rather go home. I am such a party pooper. She agreed. No, not that I am a party pooper. Or at least not by myself. The three of us adults agreed that Wii bowling would be just as much fun. The kids didn't see see the humor.

Okay so once we heard the news and turned around to head back out, my excitement turned to sadness as 4 little children cried that it wasn't fair and Alli said, "But what about meeee?" Poor kids. They just wanted to go bowling. We promised to come back during daytime hours and trekked to Kristin's. Wii didn't go over well. Jimmy, Isaac, Andrew and Caleb started bowling but then I think Jimmy quit. He picked up again later, but I think that was after the boys switched to tennis for a bit. I don't really know for sure because I was busy checking out Kristin's scrapbook stash. It was a perfect night for me. The other little ones were over their sadness quickly. As in as soon as they saw toys. Alli, Ash and Kyle played barbies and then the little twins played babies. Sweet. We were home by 10:00. Super sweet.

Who knew Wii bowling could leave you like this...

I won't even pretend to know...

Hangin' Out...

Saturday wasn't all monkey business...

The girls decided earlier in the week to do a stunt camp on Saturday. When finalizing it, one girl couldn't make it because of a prior commitment. I really wanted her there because she is a great base and I have very few of those. Camp was scheduled from 9-3. I was happy they were all in. It is funny. Time didn't seem to go too fast at all. I was afraid we just wouldn't get enough accomplished. Go girls!! I was pleasantly surprised by the want to try new things. I'm sure I mentioned before that I have 6 flyers, 4 bases and 2 back spots. Those numbers do not equal a well rounded squad. I was very impressed by the drive in these girls. All of them tried new positions...without me ever even asking them to. We had a great practice. We broke for lunch at 11:30. I picked up sandwiches at Pekadills. After lunch, we picked up where we left off.

The girls were beat by 1:30. I felt bad for them so I let them slack off {on and off} for about an hour. In that time, most still wanted to practice back walkovers and tumbling. It's like pulling teeth, however, to get them to ever want to practice jumps. I LOVED jumping in high school. I think next time I'll need to run a jump and tumbling clinic. He He...I even managed a heel stretch. A right one. AND a left one! I suppose I thought I still had it in me because I also attempted a standing round off. It's contagious. I cannot help it. I wasn't trying to be COOL...believe me! COOL means I would not have been sore all day Sunday!! Good thing I was the one with the camera!!

For My Girls...

I cannot get over the attention regarding the eyelash situation. It just cracks me up. I mentioned in my last post that my lashes were even longer Monday than they were last week when I posted the photo. And I think I mentioned that Kirsten called me from Walgreens to make sure she got the name right. Oh, real quick, she said there was some sale going on...buy one get one half. Or was it free?? Anyway...{drum roll please...}

Maybelline Volum' Express washable mascara with the curved brush in brown black for 5.99

I told you I was drugstore shopping!

As for Kristin's beautiful lashes, she is a Lancome' fan all the way! It is great stuff. I felt like I had spider eyes every time I've purchased it. Why do people buy the same thing over and over knowing they don't like the product in the first place? Gets me. My baby lashes cannot handle all Lancome' has to offer in their skinny tubes.

Funny, Jennie, that you thought Kristin has a lazy eye! I wonder if I've ever seen Kristin without mascara on. I had NO idea her lashes were so...invisible. She must be one of those girls. Actually, I really think she is. We've had conversations before about her not wearing makeup, followed by the fact that she never goes anywhere without her mascara on! Aha! We know her secret!

Isn't it funny how one little eyelash comment can spark a whole epidemic? Too funny. But seriously, if you're interested in good for cheap, check it out. Rite Aid offers a no hassle return policy on makeup. What's not to love? {verify that statement before purchasing. Maybe Walgreens does too} And remember, it won't look quite the best for about two weeks. New mascara always seems so runny. Get some air in there and voila!

Family Hearts...

Days off are good things. Mine was spent trying to clean, but mainly trying to get over whatever it is I have. Yuck.

The jayvee boys had a game last night. Long story, but I finally had all 12 of my girls back last night and was so excited to have a full squad again. I called an early practice before the game. Last minute one of them called to say she'd be about 50 minutes late. She is a main base. You can imagine my grief. We did a lot of standing around. For a long time. We needed the extra practice for stunting. The girls want to do a stunt camp on Saturday. 6 hours. I say okay. One of the girls will be out of town. Same girl. Next week's schedule is ungodly crazy. Three games, two practices and a team building trip to Fruitport to watch a competition. There is no way I can get away with setting up camp for that weekend. I told the girls that the competition is free will but it sounds like they all want to go. :) I'm going either way because Sammi is competing. They placed 2nd a couple of weeks ago. It was her first competition. Go Sam! We are on for Saturday. Stunting from 9-12. break for catered lunch...yeah, we're fancy like that. Actually, I have a Pekadill prodigy on my squad. We'll start back up with an hour of working on our new floor cheer and finish with another couple of hours of stunting. I'm tired just from typing it all. I am having tons of issues with stunting. Everyone wants to do it and everyone wants to be a star. I get it. I also get that nobody can do their part without the others doing theirs. I have 12 girls. 3 sophomores and 9 freshmen. 6 freshmen are flyers. Or should I say 6 have flown in the past. It is already mostly impossible. Throw in some well meaning parents and I have a total mess. Next year won't be any better. I'll lose 2 bases and a back spot and gain...more flyers? I'm glad this isn't a volunteer position!

Last night Kyle and I were watching LMN. {bad habit to get into} The boys had already been in bed for quite awhile and Keith wasn't feeling well so he, too, had already gone to bed. Kyle showed me his artwork he made at Tami's on Monday.

Kyle: Mom, look at my pitchoe.

Me: I know, Kyle, I love your hearts. I'm so glad you made this for me.

Kyle: I made it fo my hoe famiwy. Even Cayeb and Anjew.

Me: Oh. Who is in your whole family?

Kyle: Cayeb and Anjew. And Pat and Jen. And Abbi. And dad and you and me. And gamma.

It's true. We're all one big happy family. So, family, these hearts are for you. All of you. {even if you weren't mentioned. Don't worry. Kyle prays for all of you. Randomly, and not all on the same days, but it happens}

I'm feeling a little snappy today. {good snappy, not bad snappy} It must be the LMN movie marathon from yesterday. I woke up feeling like crap. I rolled out of bed and on the couch. I stayed there pretty much all day. I couldn't even stand up without getting the worst headache. I channel surfed a lot of the time, which is unlike me. I couldn't find just the right channel to take care of me. Until I stumbled on LMN. I'm pretty sure it is Lifetime {as in television for women} Movie Network. Good old Lifetime. I'm feeling better today, but certainly nowhere near 100%. Andrew was up a few times last night. He threw up both times. He's so funny about being sick. He always blames it on some kind of food he ate. Funny enough, it seems to always happen after he has to eat something he prefers not to eat. Sure enough, this morning I heard him blame the pizza. I won't get into details, but there was definitely no sign of pizza in the toilet. He has a hard time comprehending that he can just be sick. No strings attached.

Bummer for the Eagles yesterday. Caleb was sure hoping for an Eagles Super Bowl. Oh well. Go Steelers!

Holy crap! Can you believe the millions of feet of snow we got this past weekend? I attended a crop at the Lutheran church in Muskegon most of the day Saturday. I would've loved to have been able to stay all night but for some silly reason, our basketball games were not cancelled. How crazy is that?? I didn't get a ton done in the 6 1/2 hours I was there, but I had tons of fun. I also won a, let's see if I can spell this darn thing, xyron {or maybe there is a Z in there instead} machine with a refill. To be honest, I don't even know what it is. I think I saw it online today. It makes stickers?? I'm excited either way. I don't usually win things.

Kirsten called me this morning inquiring about the new mascara I bought. Funny. I told her the picture doesn't do my lashes justice. It's funny because as I put it on this morning, I was like, "WOW." My lashes were miles longer than they were in my prior post. I didn't even have to look up to see them. :) Perfect timing. Later today, I was on the phone with Kristin, who is home with Sick baby Ash, when Steve told me I had a call holding on #2. I hung up with Kristin to answer Kirsten's call. {confused yet?} Kirsten was at the store looking for mascara! What a hoot!!

I have no pictures to post. I went through them all and realized the only recent pics I have taken are from the girls' sleepover Friday night. Since I have no girls of my own, yes, I am referencing my cheerleaders. This was their second sleepover. I cannot remember posting about the first one. I once again only stayed a couple of hours. I had fun. Everyone brings something fun to eat. I brought a veggie tray and fruit. Keith thought I was being funky. I told him it was their request. We also had sandwiches from Pekadills and tons of naughty for you food. The girls hooked up their ipods to docks {I am so out of the loop} and had a dance off. They had such a good time. I really wish they would listen to me when I tell them these are important years and to make the most of them. The girls also did a karaoke sing off. Darn dogs. I just couldn't take my turn because my allergies were kicking in. {and kicking my butt} I could barely talk. All was well. I sang my heart out {totally off key because of the allergy thing} all the way home.

For Jennie...

These are for you, Jennie. All of them. Kyle loves his rain boots, too. As a matter of fact, I told him to get ready this morning and he pulled these out to put on...

...and even though Trix are for kids, there is no age limit on fabulous rain boots. These are less Wellies and more my grandma's rain boots, but I love 'em tons and, seriously, they rock. Actually, Steve Madden rocks!

And finally, I picked up drugstore mascara because I'm tired of paying the big bucks to get small lashes...

Okay, so they are still nowhere close to Kristin's gargantuan lashes, but they are definitely visible. I'll take it.

I Am Almost There...

Yee ha! I am almost caught up with holiday blogging.

The boys' Christmas program at church was cancelled due to the horrible Christmas weather. It was rescheduled for the first Sunday in January. I haven't paid attention to anything related to the program because I always like being totally surprised. Last year it was so worth it. The whole production was a scream. I video taped it the year before that and decided not to do it last year. My loss. Unfortunately, nothing will probably ever live up to that program. I knew nothing about this play except what the boys' roles were. I have decided that next year I will find out a bit about the plan ahead of time. Caleb needed gray pants for his costume, as well as a gray hoodie. It made sense to me. I thought it was so he could wear those things under his costume to make up for whatever gaps were present. It wasn't until the day before that I actually found out the truth. Caleb wasn't offered a costume at all. He was in charge of all of it except his hat...a winter cap with Eeyore floppy ears attached. Poor guy. Had I known, I would've come up with something better, including pointed ears!! Kyle kept yelling to Caleb the puppy all through the play.

I suppose Pat's sweatshirt and my yoga pants, along with dress shoes, constitutes a costume...

Andrew had a costume. The funny thing about him was his crown. That darn thing wouldn't stay up on his tiny little head. He was in his glory wearing his tie. He would've worn a suit if he owned one. I like to refer to him as Alex...Alex P. Keaton...

Happy New Year...

I mentioned to Julie while we were visiting that the boys wanted to drink fake wine for our party. She happened to have a bottle in the fridge and gave it to me.

Once home from bowling, the boys chose to change into their Christmas jammies again. We broke open the sparkling grape juice, made a toast, took a picture and played funky bingo. It wasn't actually called funky bingo. I just don't know the name of it. The boys had fun. Andrew wanted to play another game, but we had to keep Kyle in mind.

Mmm...lots of momma love...

...lots and lots...

After probably four games of bingo, we decided to all get comfy on the couches to watch Dick Clark's Rockin' Eve. Yeah, yeah, I know...tons of fun we are! I actually have no problem with any of it. I would love to spend New Year's Eve with friends, but on my terms, meaning with my family. We used to go to the Convertini's but they have outgrown us. Not really. Now they just go out without kids. First, it is hard to get a sitter that night and second, there is something really great about ringing in the new year with my children. Plus, I'm a freak about going out on "drinking" holidays. I have this horrible fear of dying. I would host a party myself if my husband would ever get it off. I even considered having a party for my kids. I think that would be fun. A big game house full of kids, food and...games, of course! We could do a big sleepover which may help other parents with the sitter issue. We'll see how next winter goes. :)

This was taken right after the new year. I think I have one from last year that is identical...except for the jammies and couch! Poor Kyle. He really doesn't mean to be a party pooper!

HAPPY {BELATED} NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Let The Party Begin...

The week before New Years, Keith and I visited Julie and her and Mark invited us to go bowling. We had no plans for the holiday since Keith had to work and I had the boys, so we thought it was a great idea. We went to Muskegon Lanes and took part in cosmic bowling. It was a pretty cool set up. There was a pizza buffet, party hats, blowers and pitchers of pop. We had an incident with the buffet but Julie took care of that by simply hovering by the table and taking an entire pizza as soon as it came out. No surprise. It wasn't about us. We had 13 people in our group, 7 of them being children. Our group was the very last to eat and monsters were always lurking to snatch up all the pizza. Problem solved. We were done by 9:15. Keith left for work and the boys and I headed home for our own little party.

As Promised...

If you, like me, are catching up, I think it might be wise to scroll down to Christmas Eve Festivities to start. It may make a bit more sense. :)

And A Little More Christmas...

Wow! It looks like Santa threw up all over Bill and Brenda's living room floor! 'Must've been all those cookies!

Sammi having a good laugh...

Kyle drinking a bit of chocolate milk with Uncle Pat...

We had the big ones until the middle of the afternoon. Were were to meet Pat and Jen at Northland at, well, I don't remember what time. That is probably because we were late. We got stuck in our driveway. Then, half way to the Tallquists, we almost hit a stupid group of turkeys. I asked Keith to slow down. The roads were incredibly icy but he had 100 years to slow down. He said he couldn't hit the brakes or we would've hit a car. Personally, I think he hit the gas pedal as soon as I asked him to slow down. Whatever.

We had a great dinner at Brenda's and received great gifts and had a great time. Lucky us, we also got a big family gift from the Strattons. We have a weekend get together to plan with all of us {12 total} at Boyne Mountain to do whatever! I hear there is a superb water park there with indoor surfing or some crazy thing like that. {don't quote me} We simply cannot wait! Thanks a ton!

Mommy Must've Been Naughty...

I heard the big boys bustling around pretty early Christmas morning. Earlier than usual. I suppose it was that whole Santa thing. I heard noises coming from the present area and yelled out to them. The boys, not the presents. I had a few last minute things in bags because as late as I was up the night before, I had nothing left in me to wrap extra things, especially when they didn't come in nice rectangular boxes. The boys went back to bed and got up a couple of hours later.

Before going on, 4 years ago I purchased 4 new stockings and 4 new stocking holders. I used them one year and Kyle came along. I couldn't find either anywhere. {to purchase extra} My grandma knitted each of the boys a stocking with their names on them before she died. I use them for the boys and Keith and I use my good ones. We have been switching it up every other year where we open presents-upstairs or downstairs. {more than one tree} We want to see if we can stump Santa. Lucky for us, he is the smart one. Unlucky for me, I think my prank played a bad joke on me.

Anyway, this year I decided to hang three stockings on my mantel. Come Christmas Eve, I had to think about what I wanted to do about the stockings. instead of using the boys', I decided to use 2 new Santa hats as stockings for both Keith and myself. Santa's a smart guy.

So the boys got up and ran out to the tree. I grabbed my camera and saw this as I entered my living room...

Sure, it is a pretty cute picture. But there was something terribly wrong. My "stocking" was on Andrew's head. The only way for it to fit on his head is if it was lying there, flat {empty} on the ground. It was the first thing Andrew said to me. "Mom, Santa didn't fill your stocking." No. No, he sure didn't. Next to the boys was another hat, filled to the brim with Christmas prizes. I was sure I was better than Keith this year. I guess next year I better not move the presents downstairs. I guess Santa's joke was on me.

Caleb and Andrew both told us it was their best Christmas ever. They must've been good after all...

I have no idea what this is. Reading the package in his hand, I assumed it was what Andrew asked Santa for. The look on his face told me otherwise. Apparently, this was a digital Pokedex. Andrew wanted the manual version. Santa should've known better. I guess since kids are so digital now it is only fair not to hold Santa accountable this time. After all, remember Andrew's letter about Santa seeing him being naughty? That darn Santa seems a little vengeful this year. I guess we'll all have to be on our best behavior in '09.

Caleb had a list 5 items long this year. He is already super hard because he only wants to play football or soccer and he wants to only wear jerseys. A household can truly only have just so many of those same items in it. Santa was going to choose an item or two off the list and was only leaving me with three items. I had to come up with other options, keeping my fingers crossed. I thought the boys would have fun with Guitar Hero or something like that. I hinted around to them on several occasions but never were they at all enthused. I was super hesitant but decided, with my back against the wall in the gift giving department, to purchase both Guitar Hero and DDR with an extra mat. Fortunately for me, both of the boys were super excited about their gifts! Yippee!!

Santa Better Watch Out...

Santa sure was on Kyle's naughty list Christmas morning. He was less than pleased with the first prize he pulled out of his stocking. Socks.

By the end, he was down right pissed off...

Santa made up for it under the tree. Yeah, a vacuum. Hey, it was on his list. And as you know, Santa always delivers.

The best surprise for all of us was this...I looked all over for goggles in December with no luck. Good thing these were also on Kyle's list for Santa. Say it with me, "Santa always delivers."

The Children Were Nestled...

...all snug on the couch in their super cute Christmas Eve jammies!

Every Christmas Eve we have a party at my mom and dad's. After every party we attend the Candle Light service at church. I have done that on and off for years, even before I attended our church, and years before I had children. I absolutely love all of it. I was so concerned that with all of the changed plans this season due to weather that I was not going to make it to church because of the roads. Keith wasn't able to go with me because he had to work. Lo and behold, we made it. And then I wondered if it was the wrong decision. Kyle is always still awake at that time and I was hoping that the car ride to church was the perfect time for sleep. Ha. Instead, a little into the sermon, I think, he continuously shouted, "I want to go home. NOW!" in his sweet little voice. Actually, it was in this deep growly bossy voice. I'm sure nobody heard him...until after the service when the varsity coach and her daughters made a comment about hearing my son. I was sure she was commenting on either Andrew or Caleb because they love to sing in church and are very...vocal. Oh, nope, not that thought. She was referring to Kyle. So was another friend of mine. Her family sits in the back of the church. I forgot to mention that we were pretty close to the front. It is no wonder I skip church and then write big checks when I do happen to make it. :)

Okay, so we hustled home. Kyle did fall asleep in church. I changed him into his new jams and the boys changed into theirs and they got ready for bed, but not before they set up Santa's plate of the yummy decorated cookies they made, along with a letter to Santa and the carrots for the reindeer. Oh, and I cannot forget the old skeleton key I hung on the wreath for Santa that unlocks our door. {we have no chimney}

I still had one million things to do before I went to bed. I finally headed to my bed at about 3:15 or so. I'm very lucky Santa is so patient. I'm sure I heard sleigh bells overhead, in anticipation of me closing my eyes so he could get in and do his business before morning. Thanks, Mr. C!

I have to share this letter real quick. What it doesn't show is, "Can you write back this time? I'm not trying to be rude."

This one says, "I know you saw and I'm sorry for the bad things I have done. Please forgive me."